I have a fairly large family, including about two dozen cousins from ages 28 down to nine months. I love my cousins, but as I hypothesize about the wedding I might have one day, it's hard for me to imagine incorporating a crowd of rowdy kids into my romantic day.

As you compose your invitations, what do you think? Are you going to invite your guests' children? Will you provide day care during your ceremony? Or will you respectfully request that they remain at home?

Kids can have a special part in a wedding. For example, some of the most beautiful scenes I've ever seen at weddings include children and step-children taking part in the ceremony that turns all the parts into one family. Flower girls and ring bearers are adorable, even if their walk down the aisle isn't perfect.

And, of course, there's nothing cuter than little kids dancing together at a reception.

However, crying and other ruckus by excitable children can really break a sacred atmosphere during a ceremony. In addition, they need their own table, their own entertainment, and probably a different meal--I can't see six-year-olds being too excited about salmon and asparagus over brown rice. Plus, overtired children at a reception might start acting out, perhaps breaking some of the expensive china and fixtures you've rented.



If you have a family like mine, with people of all ages, you may run into a dilemma if you don't want kids at your wedding: where is the cutoff? Can you invite one aunt's teenage kids but not another's toddlers? If you pick an age cutoff--say, 14--is it appropriate to invite your 15-year-old cousin but not his 5-year-old brother? In that scenario I recommend making the age limit 18 and addressing the invitations to only the adults you want: "Matthew and Nancy Thomas," for example, not "The Thomas Family." Anyone over 18 should receive their own invitation, even if they're living at home.

And remember: if you don't want kids at your wedding, don't apologize for it. It's your day, your budget, and your adult-appropriate atmosphere. People will understand; I know my parents were never offended about having to leave my brother and me with someone for a couple of days. Really, they were probably relieved.

So, at your wedding: kids or no kids?