You choose your bridesmaids because they're your family, or your best friends. You choose them because you love them, because you trust them, and occasionally because your mom insists you add your awkward second cousin and she's paying for your wedding so you have to accommodate her wishes. But mostly because you love and trust them, and you all get along.

So why do so many friendships sour during the wedding planning process?

When you choose your bridesmaids, it's important to outline your expectations, but more importantly, you need to know what they expect from you. They're doing you a huge service and taking on a lot of responsibility. It's imperative you make sure they feel appreciated and acknowledged, not like a prop. So meet with your bridesmaids early on for a straightforward talk. Let them ask questions, voice concerns, and give them an opportunity to back out if they aren't up to the task. The best way to do that will be to sit down yourself beforehand and decide what you want from your bridesmaids.

Consider:

• How many bridesmaids do you want? Do you want a maid of honour? Who will it be?
• How much freedom will they have with their attire? Identical from head to toe? Complete mix-and-match? Somewhere in between?
• What is a reasonable amount to expect your bridesmaids to spend? Can they afford to attend a destination wedding, if you're having one? (You're going to lose some people if you expect each lady to pay $1500 on a designer ensemble.)
• Do you want a bachelorette party? What kind? Do you want to travel for it?
• What elements of planning will your maids have a hand in? Will you need their help with DIY? Who has special skills that will be helpful for you?
• How will you make sure they feel like they're being heard? What are some control measures you can put in place to avoid being a Bridezilla?

Kaitlin's dos and don'ts:

• Don't make your bridesmaids wear pricey taffeta monsters. You love these ladies. Pick out a dress that flatters them and is preferably one they could wear again, and give them some freedom with hair, shoes, or accessories.
• Do take time to hang out with your girls without making it about the wedding. I promise your friends are going to get sick of hearing about it, so if you want to keep everyone friendly, go out with them and relax for a few hours wedding-free.
• Don't make being maid of honour a competition. I see this on occasion, and it seems like that could only hurt people. You want your wedding party to be compatible and Zen, so they can help you out when you're stressed.
• Do pick bridesmaids who have a range of talents, from style sense to DIY mastery, who can  help you during your wedding prep. Make it fun; have a little party with cocktails and get your tedious DIY tasks done.
• Don't expect your maids to be at your beck and call 24/7, or to have deep pockets for anything that takes your fancy. They have their own lives and expenses, and will appreciate you saving them hassle.
• Do remember that they are on your side; they are excited to help you get married. If they have concerns, it's worth listening to them; an extra pair of eyes is always helpful for catching mistakes. Be nice to them, even when you're stressed.
• Don't let your maids take over your wedding. Regardless of how savvy a bridesmaid is in some element of planning, your tastes and your plans are what matters. It's your day; they should be helping you make your vision come true, so don't back down on something you care about.
• Do delegate tasks. You can't do it all on your own, so trust your bridesmaids to do certain things--and don't micromanage. That will stress you all out. If everyone has something to do, everyone feels trusted and respected, you'll be less stressed, and you'll know that your beautiful wedding was crafted by many loving hands.

Ultimately, your wedding day is hugely important to you, and therefore it's important to your bridesmaids. Just remember that they want to help you, their sister/cousin/friend, not some terrifying Bridezilla. So treat them like the wonderful ladies they are, relax, and have fun! You don't want to look back on your wedding day and see yourself a nervous wreck. That's what your maids are for--and they'll pull through amazingly, you wait and see. Stay savvy! xo